“The Dark Matter of Love”

It is almost the weekend and perhaps you’re looking for something to watch with your family or maybe you just want to hunker down and watch something alone. If you are a Netflix guru than you need not worry about paying a penny to watch this great documentary.

The reason I started writing this blog was that I had a ton of angst and I also felt largely unrepresented. Everybody hears the story about the adopted kid who, as an adult hates the world but has won the lottery. Or you hear the story from the adoptive parents about how brave and courageous their journey is. Both are cheesy and almost a stereotype. To me I felt like adoption was over-glorified but at the same time felt some things that were common in both the perspectives. So I started to tell my story. “The Dark Matter of Love” got me because it didn’t represent a bias attitude, but pure psychology. I think it is a movie all prospective-adoptive parents should watch.

Adoption at an older age is quite different from adopting at a younger age. Both face different journeys. I think the groups that are largely represented are the ones who were adopted young. In the movie we are introduced to the Diaz family, a three-person family. You will get the storyline rather easily but essentially they adopt 3 additional children, an 11-year old daughter, Masha, and two sons, Vadim and Marcel, 5-years old.  The story talks about the usual choices families decide to make (name changes, much to the dislike of the children and I tend to agree with them on that one), their 14-year old daughter Cami’s transition into no longer being the main attraction in the home, and the changes to the family’s lifestyle. More importantly it focuses on the psychological aspect. Children raised into institutions and are adopted later in life experience either one of two coping mechanisms, extreme lashing out to represent any type of difficult emotion, or a complete shutdown (Masha). It is interesting to watch how the family deals with this and how they are coached by adoption therapists. I think what the family did was incredibly brave, they weren’t out to convince the world that it is for everyone. Instead, they showed that it is what it is and you do your best.

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