Things I Will Never Understand About Adoption

confused-face

It’s Saturday night, I have just finished a dreadful poster project after a grueling 2hours, and the Calgary Flames and Edmonton Oilers are tied 2-2, my throat is sore and I haven’t taken my hair out of a bun since yesterday. So it is rant time. Ranting of course about the strange yet amusing things I have heard about adoption…buckle up.

I will never understand why adoption takes so much damn effort.

If labor pains could equate to adoption papers and lawyers and house checks and plane trips, not to mention the emotional ups and downs, it would equal to that of at least 2 labors. The paper work must clearly have been a big deal because I am eighteen years old and my mother STILL talks about how hard it was. And to think, she was the lucky one. Many people will probably go through this labor intensive paper work only to find out that their match was incomplete or that their soon-to-be-kid has been adopted or placed with someone else.

I will never understand why adoption processes take so long but naturally or via the “biological” way, one can pop little tyke out in 9 months and be considered a parent. No matter what.

So did you hear about the one where the kid was left outside in the middle of winter in nothing but pajamas? Or the one where the kid actually doesn’t have anything to eat for breakfast every day. Now I realize that not all adopted families are creme de la creme either, but does anybody see the loophole in this one? I am not out to debate whether or not adoption vs. biological families are better, but I am suggesting that this is incredibly discriminating towards children. My parents went through house checks and legal work and every step was taken to ensure I was not placed with insane people (though I still would like to see the evidence of this), therefore protecting my body. Now ‘Suzie’ and ‘Billy’ however live in a cardboard box, hardly go to school and eat mushrooms. Their dignity, and future for that matter was not protected.

I will never understand why some people feel that adoption was ‘made’ for them.

So you meet those people who when they were ten years old said, “I want to adopt when I grow up”, not really implying much. And then you meet those people who make it their obligation because they feel that they were made for it. Like it is a life-long planned mission to Mars. No. Adoption is not sacred, it is not something that makes you a ‘better’ person than somebody who doesn’t. You have just decided to give tradition an ol’ kick in the yeehaw and have kids a different way. Let’s not get mushy about it.

I will never know why people automatically assume that all adoptees biological parents are dead.

Apparently being adopted makes you the real-life equivalent of ‘Annie’ where you live in an orphanage with 30 other children whose parents are also gone and are ruled by a cruel Ms. Hannigan. What is actually the confusing part about this is having to explain that your parents are not dead, and then having them stare at you like, “soooo…if they’re not dead then why are you here….?”

I will never understand, even after all of this time and its increasing popularity, why they do not teach about adoption alongside regular human reproduction classes.

Forgive me if that just made you turn an awful shade of red. But really, there are people in High Schools who still do not know what adoption is about-only that Angelina Jolie had 3 kids that way. Yeah, so those upper elementary and middle school classes were incredibly awkward and uncomfortable but you know what’s even more awkward? Being asked if your mother slept with an Asian man, or if your Dad is your husband. Too much, too much.

I will never understand why they STILL have “Child of the Week” alongside “Pet of the Week, sponsored by the SPCA”.

Finding homes for children who don’t have them is important, but can we please give them their own section of the news or maybe not have their faces plastered on bulletins or TV screens like they’re shelter animals?

I will never understand why some parents introduce their children based on their entrance into their family.

“X & Y are my adopted children. And Z is my biological child.” Who really cares? X, Y, and Z don’t. But maybe if you continue to talk about them as if they are different species because of their genetic make-up they will. And then we can call the therapist.

There you go, I think I am going to go take my hair out of this bun and have a shower, I stink. Have a nice evening.

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9 thoughts on “Things I Will Never Understand About Adoption

  1. Margo says:

    “β€œX & Y are my adopted children. And Z is my biological child.” Who really cares? X, Y, and Z don’t. ….”

    Actually, perhaps in some cases, X, Y, and Z might care … some adopted persons I know feel that they (1) are either not the children of their adoptive families but are still someone else’s child, or (2) are the child of both families together, equally. When a person is raising a child of their own, there is obviously one other natural parent involved (unless it was a virgin birth πŸ™‚ ) — but when a person has adopted, that adopted child also has another mother and father as well (unless they are deceased) … a whole other family as a reality. So an adopted child has 4 parents, whereas another child who was not adopted likely only has two (not counting step-parents). And in some cases, adoptions do not last — some adoptees are terminating their adoptions or being adopted-back by their natural parents again… this wouldn’t be happening if there was not already some link that existed back beyond the “adoption paperwork.” πŸ™‚

      • Margo says:

        Natural parents as opposed to adoptive parents. It’s another term that some prefer to use, especially as the term “birth-mother” means someone whose emotional/familial relationship with her child ended permanently at birth, leaving her with the physical reproductive role only. So, some parents and their children who are separated by adoption don’t feel that the “birth-terms” fit their reality, as the separated family still love one another, may still feel a family connection, etc. It doesn’t mean that adoptive parents are “unnatural,” just recognizes that legal child adoption is a relatively-modern social/legal invention (dating only to 1851 in fact!). “Natural parents” was the original term before “birth-terms” were invented by writer Pearl S. Buck. If you’re interested in reading more about the issue of language, I can suggest some articles. πŸ™‚

    • Margo says:

      Just a reference to Christ … it was just supposed to be a bit of light humour. πŸ™‚ That there is always a father somewhere “out there,” even if a mother is not married to him or has a good reason not to want contact with him.

  2. Margo says:

    I wanted to let you know that I think you have an excellent blog. You are a very good writer. It’s been a pleasure to read your work. πŸ™‚

  3. thepuffindiaries says:

    Love your blog and your writing you have a great talent. Been having a look for blogs by adoptees. I myself am an adopter who blogs and links up with others blogging about adoption on a Friday, the Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO. would love it if you would like to link up. Great to have lots of different perspectives. I’d also like to add you to my blogroll hope that’s ok and share you on twitter. Keep up the amazing work. x

  4. Kelly Raudenbush says:

    I’m an adoptive parent – I don’t consider myself any better than anyone else for adopting (though I do confess that I did want to adopt from a young age…don’t know why really but did). And, I’m a huge advocate of using adopted as a past tense verb in our family not an adjective. We ADOPTED our daughter. She is our daughter now, not our ADOPTED daughter. To me, the verbiage does make a difference. At nearly 4, she doesn’t seem to care about verbiage, but one day she likely will. And, regardless if she does or doesn’t, I do. She’s our daughter; I’m her mom. It’s my job to care about stuff like that.

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