Well Happy New Years Eve everybody! I hope everybody had a wonderful winter holiday and are ready to take on 2013 like no other! Many apologies to those who tried to get onto this blog for a few days in December, for some reason I might have repressed the “private” button therefore making it disappear from the face of the planet!
2012, wow, what a year. While each year feels like a marathon I think 2012 is going to be that year that will be forever engraved in my mind as being the year from hell. Maybe graduating does this to you. Twelve long years comes to a halt when you walk onto that stage receiving your diploma, realizing that it is now you versus the world. Maybe realizing that you are about to complete your last Florida training camp does this to you. After many memories of being hung up on pain medication, crying because your muscles hurt or convincing yourself that dolphins and sting rays will attack you certainly does something to you. Maybe spending each day with a group of insanely active kids for a whole summer does this to you. Not only did it emphasize my lack of patience, but after coaching older kids in previous years, it taught me the art of how to be sympathetic because younger kids need that. 2012 taught me about my quest for freedom, to want things that will make me happy but realizing that these things do not just come to you and either require patience and time, or hard work and effort. I learned that I needed this gap year, despite the odd looks and doubtful attitudes of those around me. I needed to know what I wanted and where my passion lied.
So all of these things made 2012 a year that I will be happy to forget but will always remember the lessons it taught me. I learned a lot about friendship and how in each stage of your life you will have a friend who means the world to you. But when that stage of life is over, you will find another, and another and another. One for each stage. I learned that you have to be stubborn, or you will simply be walked on and told what to do. And while being stubborn makes some people doubt your abilities, it was never about pleasing them anyways but making your mark and figuring out if that is where you needed to be.
2012 was the year I let people in to my weak zone, letting them find out my daily struggles and realizing that my take on adoption is not all butterflies and rainbows. The struggle between living somewhere and feeling like you belong and yet looking in the mirror and feeling like you don’t played a big way in how I interacted with myself and others this year. Blogging to me is my outlet, the words typed are the words that linger in my head and by pressing “publish” I risk judgement from those who take an interest in it. Years of failed journals and blogs and this is the one that sticks. The blog that sticks is the blog that outlines the most precious of my thoughts and feelings. Go figure.
More important than 2012, is 2013. What will it bring and how much of what it brings will be a response to me making it happen? Philosophers can deceive you, some say that good things come to those who wait, while others say don’t wait, take the initiative and git yer shit done! The way my mind is engineered, I have to agree with philosopher number two. And with that, my New Year’s resolutions:
1) Letting go of things that hurt me. The Buddha’s right, “holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You’re the one who gets burned.”
2) Don’t suffer fools gladly. I guess I have always been this way (according to my father) so I might as well keep up the routine. Keeping a cool head in a circumstance of tom-foolery will be the utmost challenge.
3) Exercise. Every day. It is good for your body and it is good for your brain. Plus, nobody wants an out of shape coach.
4) Keep learning. I have fallen victim to this at times, allowing myself to slump into a pile of nothingness. For my sake, I will keep my brain fresh with knowledge about things that matter to me (perhaps more kayaking technique!!!)
5) Move out of Alberta. Though this has been my goal since I was young, I think it is definitely more attainable now. The caterpillar is wanting her wings.
Once again I place myself in a position of much vulnerability. You see, upon posting this to your eyes I now actually have to act upon this list. My advice, if you want something done this year make others aware of it. This way for sure there is no turning back for you!
And with that, I wish all of you a wonderful New Year and I cannot wait to hear of all of your stories. Being able to discuss my adoption openly has been an incredibly journey and it is only just starting.
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. -Ralph Waldo Emerson