Over the last almost 18 years, I have gathered a lot of different scenarios about my adoption, comments and concerns and silly questions. Many other posts have been about these but I thought I would do my own, “You Know You’re Adopted When”. I read similar posts on the internet and I must say, some points are very valid, while others I can only wonder what happened in that person’s life to leave them that bitter. But then again, it is their life, and they have their own story just like I have mine. I encourage you to keep that in mind when you read any posts about adoption, simply because even adoptees can create misconceptions about the adoptive community as a whole. Everyone has their five cents to share.
You Know You’re Adopted When…
1) You know you’re adopted when you smile blandly when people say, “oh, you’re adopted! how cool!”
My name is Ornmadee, and I’m adopted. I don’t mean to make it sound like an AA confession, although sometimes that’s how people take it, like it’s something they should be supportive about. I just mean that they are two basic facts about me.
2) You know you’re adopted when you spend hours at a family reunion listening to them talk about familial resemblance and you’re like “…..”
You have the __[insert family name]__’s nose. Lips, face, eyes, ears. I find it funny when someone attempts at making a familial resemblances with me. I am Asian, you are completely not. It is a fact, we do not need to be all lollipops and rainbows about it.
3) You know you’re adopted when you go to a new doctor & they ask for your families medical history……..and you sigh & say, ‘I don’t know.’
Okay, I realize this is a tough one. There are a lot of things we do not know about family medical history and that does not just apply to adoptees. I will admit, when I found a rather odd looking skin pigmentation on my arm I immediately went all AWOL and assumed the worst. Good god! What if someone in my biological family had skin cancer that I didn’t know about!?!?! Then again, this could happen to anyone. Anyone can get cancers, anyone can get sick. Turns out it was because I was tanning too much while I was working. Ha.
4) You know you’re adopted when you feel like you magically get paired with someone else who is adopted at functions because people think you will connect like X-Men or something.
This one is pretty self-explanatory, and I am still amazed at how many people assume this still. I enjoy interacting with other adoptees, but not more or less than interacting with non-adoptees.
5) You know you’re adopted when you keep searching for where you fit in.
Perhaps “fit in” is the wrong choice of words. It is not like trying to fit in at school, or fit in society. For me, it is more like trying to fit in my own body. Who I was born as, and who I grew up to be.
Each day brings a new challenge, and now more than ever I find more of them surround point number 5. Some days emotions are mixed, and I am angry at myself, at others and I can truly be hell on wheels. Things that I have no control over consume my thoughts and I cannot help but feel powerless. I think that feeling is fueled by people’s negative and pointless comments on adoption or my adoption story in particular. As I get older it becomes easier to block these comments out, but the ones that do force their way in hurt even deeper and with more vigor.
There are the days where I feel powerful. The days when conquering the world is the easiest on the list of to-dos. My life has been shaped by the decision two people made over 17 years ago. They decided to adopt a child. They got me, and I got a chance at the kind of life all children deserve. The powerful that I feel comes from that. The powerful comes from two people who never let me be anything less than my best.
1) You know you’re loved when your life can be falling apart and coming together simultaneously for what seems like forever, but at the end of the day your parents still allow you to eat and sleep under their roof without question and might even throw in a hug-without charge 🙂
My thoughts of the day. Happy living!