Well, to say that the last few weeks have been challenging would be an incredible understatement. For starters, it is the final countdown for High School. Yikes! Chemistry, Social Studies, Chemistry, Social Studies, Chemistry, Soci- well, you get the idea. 6 hours a day in school doing that stuff. But after thirteen years there is finally a finish line, or at least a finish line as far as pre-adult hood goes. I finally picked up my graduation dress from the shop after getting it altered at least three times before. My fluctuation in muscle from the time I went to Florida, to the time I came back, to the time I have been sitting around doing nothing didn’t help the whole alteration predicament either. But rest assured, this dress will be fitting!
I guess I should not sum up feelings from just the past two weeks but rather the last few months. I have gone through incredible blue spells since being in Florida. Some feelings are warranted, while others I am simply blue because it just has to be that way. I am blue because of my injuries and my decision to face my sights in a different direction. I am blue because things have not been easy around here. I am blue because my social worker has not found anything out yet about my biological family. I am blue because in a month I am done school. And although I can’t say that High School was a breeze it certainly built me up the most as a person. I am trying different methods of exercise like taking up running and doing nightly abdominal workouts as well as jazzing out to music and attempting to do the splits (inspired by recent TV show choices). I think you can only be in a slump for so long before you either have to do something about it or you never get out of the slump, despite your thoughts that you will ‘tomorrow’. I made that my goal. Each day, wake up (whether in a slump or not) and do something.
This whole waiting for the biological family information thing is driving me crazy. To be clear, at this point I do not really want to do a meet n’ greet. I just want information. Maybe one day I will step outside of my comfort zone and face that one. But for now I just want to know if they still exist. I have played with various scenarios in my head about what would happen if I met them, what would they think of me? What would they think of me being an athlete who for the past six years has dedicated her life to athletics, sometimes getting the position of priorities mixed up between the two? What physical characteristics do I possess from them? Were they athletic, because at this point in the game, I’m thinking no. For those who are unaware, after several exams the left side of my body seems to be always on the mend. Loose left knee cap, loose shoulder, teeth. So, because of these physical situations either my parents were right-sided dependant athletes or not athletes at all. My scenarios involving my biological parents usually consist of questions of the past, not the future. For some reason I just have no desire to see them but I do have a desire to meet any siblings. Maybe it is because for much of my younger life I was the centre of attention and once I joined sports that all changed. I learned that your team can be like your siblings, and the more I think about it, the more I would have wished to have biological siblings.
So the urge continues, the pressure continues and life continues. If I did sit-ups as well as I worry about things I would have the most solid six-pack to ever exist to man. If I ran as long as my thoughts processed in my head, I bet I could run a hundred marathons. No joke.
Oh, but to help cut back on the amount I run and the abs I put myself through and the thoughts that run through my head our family is taking a bit of a breather to the Place Where Dreams Come True, aka. The Happiest Place on Earth.
Good night. 🙂