Yesterday I had a dream that my birth-mother was standing beside me while I was in my graduation gown. More and more I think about “What Ifs”. What if I lived with my biological family? Questions like that. I guess as I am about to finish a chapter of my life and start a new one, my genealogy remains to be a part that will likely remain unfinished.
I have been having a very rough week. Just looking back on the year I have been thinking about everything that has happened, and how very few people will understand when I tell them how I feel. The things I wish people would understand about me. It is hard to explain why I feel blue for no apparent reason or why I am easily irritated at people who make and break friendships faster than the changing of traffic lights. I find myself often trying to understand other people’s logic about their decisions in their friendships and being so distraught about why they do what they do. To me, it is very simple, you do not create a friendship that is as fragile a glass. Why would you want disposable friends? Argh. Anyhow, I am sure that people will grow up and realize that life is precious as are the moments. We can’t waste them on bad memories, simply look ahead at what is coming up.
It is hard each day to live by those standards that I have set up. It is very easy just to sit around and mope and be blue. And, some days I catch myself doing it. In fact, this whole week has been pretty blue-ish. Maybe when this school year is over I will be able to take a step back and breathe. Maybe when I am standing in my graduation gown. Wait…my birth mother. Who is she? And why do I keep dreaming about her when I know that I will not be meeting her any time soon? These thoughts, keep on coming.
Did any of this make any sense??