Being Superman & Wonder Woman

I had a very good conversation with my mother today about how adoptive parents often feel when they first adopt. Feelings of confusion and twilight zone are usually common. From the moment a child is brought home it is about setting out the pillows and putting up the fences. She mentioned that as parents they try to prevent the inevitable from happening, to them it is the right thing to do. I understand how an adoptive parent could do this.

A lot of my life was about being engaged in my heritage and being aware of my past. But I will tell you now no matter how hard you try, even Superman cannot stop the thoughts and feelings that come with being adopted. At some point in our life, we will react in some way, whether big or small, for lengthy periods of time or short spurts, our moods may be that of sadness or happiness but however we react, it will be different from how we usually are. Nothing anyone does will stop it. No amount of counseling will prevent it, it is something you (adoptive parents) must be prepared for, it is your job. All it really takes to help ease the situation is to provide a listening ear, unless you were adopted yourself, you could not possibly say that you understand but you can say that you hear us. Like any other person who is feeling out of place we do not want to hear you tell us why we feel this way or what we can do to change our feelings. If we wanted that, we would go to a counselor; we do not want a counselor, we want our parents.

Instead of being a Superman or Wonder Woman attempting to stop falling walls and crashing cars, give an ear and you will be the best superhero parenthood has to offer.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Being Superman & Wonder Woman

  1. Zoë says:

    Hi,
    I love your blog. It is beautifully written – thank you for taking the time.
    I am a waiting mum, and I already think about my child’s birthmum – all. the. time.
    So I understand that my child will do that. I worry about her (the birthmum) as things must be so difficult for her.
    I dont know how much I should let my child know about this in the future (my worries). Obviously I will try to be age appropriate – but I dont want to worry them more. But I wont be able to be glib about it or shrug it off. It IS a difficult thing. She is will always be a part of every adopted families life.
    I am glad you have a supportive family.

    • ornblovo says:

      Hi!
      Thank you for taking the time to read it! I wish you all the best with your adoption story in the making! It will be a marvelous journey and I hope it works out just the way you would like it to!!

  2. Courtney says:

    Hello! Your mom shared your blog address with us on facebook, and I am so glad she did. Your writing is wonderful and it has so many good points that I need to remember as I parent my daughter. She was also adopted from Thailand (at 2 and a half) and is now 6 years old. She wants to hear me tell her adoption story over and over and over again, so clearly she is trying to process big ideas and feelings in her head. I know she will be processing these feelings for a long time, so I will take your suggestions to heart, and try to always be ready with a listening ear. Thank you, thank you for sharing your story with us on your blog!

    • ornblovo says:

      Hello!
      Thank you so much! I am glad to help! 6 years old! Wow! I wish you and your family all the best in the future! Thank you for reading!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s