I had a very good conversation with my mother today about how adoptive parents often feel when they first adopt. Feelings of confusion and twilight zone are usually common. From the moment a child is brought home it is about setting out the pillows and putting up the fences. She mentioned that as parents they try to prevent the inevitable from happening, to them it is the right thing to do. I understand how an adoptive parent could do this.
A lot of my life was about being engaged in my heritage and being aware of my past. But I will tell you now no matter how hard you try, even Superman cannot stop the thoughts and feelings that come with being adopted. At some point in our life, we will react in some way, whether big or small, for lengthy periods of time or short spurts, our moods may be that of sadness or happiness but however we react, it will be different from how we usually are. Nothing anyone does will stop it. No amount of counseling will prevent it, it is something you (adoptive parents) must be prepared for, it is your job. All it really takes to help ease the situation is to provide a listening ear, unless you were adopted yourself, you could not possibly say that you understand but you can say that you hear us. Like any other person who is feeling out of place we do not want to hear you tell us why we feel this way or what we can do to change our feelings. If we wanted that, we would go to a counselor; we do not want a counselor, we want our parents.
Instead of being a Superman or Wonder Woman attempting to stop falling walls and crashing cars, give an ear and you will be the best superhero parenthood has to offer.