Adoption is a beautiful thing; as is creating a life biologically. People may consider adoption for many reasons, and unfortunately, many uneducated souls believe it is because a couple is unable to conceive. Second to that, many believe it is because a person or a couple wanted to be the “Great Ones” who stepped forth and “saved” a child from misery. This does happen, and there are days when I question celebrities motives to adopt. Is it to genuinely provide a home for a child, or to gain popularity for becoming an outreach?
I support adoption, being adopted myself of course. But unbeknownst to a lot of people, I most likely will not adopt a child in my future. My decision has nothing to do with how my parents brought me up, it has to do with my personal experiences. I do not believe I would be able to provide enough guidance to an adopted child, simple as that. People often forget that adoption is different in that the child will have questions about their past. People often see the first three years, not the teenage years, when emotions fly at ultimate levels, and we want answers.
I was in grade seven when I started to ask questions, I had known for a long time that I was adopted (it’s kind of obvious, Caucasian parents, Asian kid) but questioned my identity. I am Canadian, but back in the day I was an all-around Thai baby. I had a Thai last name, and spoke Thai baby babble. Fast forward sixteen years and I hardly remember Thai and my Thai last name is void. Who was I? I was different from my family, not the same coloured skin. Believe it or not, that was a hard thing for me to handle. I wanted to fit in with people who looked like myself! My parents immersed me as much as possible in my culture through Thai dance, Buddhist religion, etc. but there was a space that could not be filled. When I was twelve, it was the concept that I was not related by blood at all to my parents.
Blood ties should not matter, you may think. But when you are surrounded by a world of “white”, it can be hard for someone to see why this is important to someone like myself. I felt like a minority, and well, I was. My support was from individual’s who knew nothing about my past, but were busy creating a future.
Before you adopt, think about what you will tell your adopted child when they ask,
Why didn’t THEY keep/want me?
A question that is hard to stomach, but believe it or not, your child will be asked that on numerous occasions throughout their life.Why did you choose them?
Adopting a child does not mean you must comply and follow with your child’s motherland culture or traditions, but be prepared to address it at some point. At the end of the day, you may take the child from their roots, but the roots will always be with your child.